My word of 2023

This was posted on my FB account early January. Learning that my estranged son had passed, the exacerbated by multiple risks that ended in rejection, including being ejected from a D&D group with the "your really nice, we like you, but you just don't fit" that has been  theme of social risk taking, kicked me into a muddy hole with sheer rock face walls, I am still trying to climb out of/wallowing in, so reposting here to remind me. Setting goals and rereading them give me one more handhold on the way up; I may not be back to the top, but I keep climbing.

A few years ago I owned a book called "Not Buying It" It's premise was that our culture encourages us to consume as a substitution for true happiness. The family spent an entire year focusing on valuing who they were and what they had not buying things and not buying the premise that more is better.

It made sense me and I did my best for an entire year to live up to that philosophy. Somehow in the 12 years since I have bought back in to the more is better and often fill my loneliness and fear with more. More food, more clothes, more toys, more more time wasted on social platforms and TV. 

 I am mentioning this because it feeds into the word I found for 2023.  Abundancd

 I have been trying to figure out what the word is that will encompass acceptance, gratitude, kindness and thrift as I move into the new year. I need a word that will help lift me from this place where my losses weigh me down so greatly that I struggle to fill this hole in my soul with more.

My life has changed a lot and changes have accelerated during the last 6 months. Well magic and dreams I never even knew were possible. 2022 was highlighted by a continued clean cancer check,  glorious times with my grandkids, friends and children; but 2022 also included  performing in The Falling and the Rising with the AZ Opera, being a staff writer for 2Liv4,  earning a place on a Master's swim team, a Silver in  badminton doubles, and a silver in the 2022 Virtual Golden Age Games fitness challenge. 

But I also lost loved ones, in particular Kevin Ayaquah Maybee who may not have fathered my sons, but was truly my best friend and their Dad as we raised them, and he and his husband are and we're their Dad's.

My other big loss was Santa Butch. He was my friend for over 20 years and it was he who convinced to be Faire cast here in AZ and he was the Santa to my Mrs Claus.

 

Loss of abilities was also a part of 2022. I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and a handful of autoimmune stuff that mean a hearing aid, a wheelchair, and a caregiver have become permanent parts of my world. 

And of course there are the letters that have colored my entire life; PTSD, MDD, ASD. Diagnosis that have only recently been trending from shamefully not spoken to being claimed like stripes on a private's sleeve. I still struggle with acknowledging the warp threads they have been in my life's weave.

So this year my word IS Abundance. 

My goal this year is to embrace and utilize the resources and skills and talents and love that surround me, share and spread all that joy and beauty that make up my messy life. Joy, gratitude and kindness are like jam on peanut butter, if you put enough on, it can't help  moving out on its own and getting everywhere.

 I will be practicing that not buying it philosophy again,  which means as of January 1st I will be finding a way to meet most of my needs with what's available in my own home and in my current skill set. 

I love to challenge myself, so this year is kind of my triathlon of internal change.

I plan to run my intellect, my creativity and frugality to completing projects and competing with myself for goals of thrift. I will swim in gratitude and acceptance, and every day walk the path of kindness and compassion.

2023 is my abundance race.

 I won't  post much on here. It's taking me well over an hour to do this, even using text to talk.

 But it's really not about what you see on Facebook, if you're my friend or my loved one, it's about what you see in my life. 

 

Here is to an Abundant 2023